Worst Jokes Ever
"Sir, we noticed a 2-year gap in your resume."
"That was when I went to Yale."
"A Yale man? Well, you're hired!"
"Thanks! I really need this yob!"
What's the worst thing to hear in a prison shower?
"Drop the soap, we've got you surrounded."
I don't get why cancer is so hard to beat. I'm already on stage 4.
When you're sad, don't feel down about yourself. Break a leg, and you'll forget all about it.
I don't joke about vegans. That would be tasteless...
I have no beef with them.
I'm the autism.
Kid: "LOOK OUT! A KILLER BEE!!!"
(B)
OKAY.
Why are S and U never thirsty?
They drink tea (T).
I was diagnosed with a terminal disease. The doctor says my days are numbered.
Now I'm terrified of airports.
What's a cancer patient's favorite food?
Kentucky Fried Chemotherapy
What do you get when you combine a penis and a potato?
A dictator.
How do fat people settle arguments?
By bumping into each other to see who falls over first.
What is the best way to deal with bullies?
You shoot them.
Your family is so cheap that they won't even pay for the child support to keep you.
Why was the gay boy fired from the sperm bank?
He was caught embezzling.
What did the man do when he caught his wife cheating on him?
He honor-killed her.
My wife told me to stop impersonating a flamingo. I had to put my foot down.
An old man is sitting on a park bench, crying his eyes out. A jogger stops, feels bad for him, and asks, "Sir, what's wrong?"
The old man sobs, "I'm 85 years old. I have a 25-year-old wife at home who is a supermodel. She cooks me gourmet meals every day, she keeps the house spotless, and we spend every night in total, passionate bliss."
The jogger looks confused. "Wait... that sounds amazing! Why are you crying?"
The old man looks up, tears streaming down his face, and wails: "I can't remember where I live!"
How do fat people settle arguments?
By seeing who can eat the most at a buffet.
On April Fools' Day, there is no fool except for me.