Worst Jokes Ever
What is the difference between a woman and a knife?
The knife has a point.
Why can’t a kid with ADHD shoot a gun?
Because their focus is way off.
Why couldn't the kid play on his laptop?
Because he has no arms and no laptop and no legs and no head and no home and no money and got shot.
Why couldn't the teacher let her kids out?
Because she has no arms to open the door.
Why couldn't the farmer tend to the crops?
Because he's got no arms.
Knock, knock!
Who's there?
Grandma.
Grandma who?
I didn't know you could yodel!
Why did the clown fall off his bike?
Because the neighbor threw a washing machine at him.
What’s the craziest thing Kurt Cobain released?
The safety.
Why was Hitler banned from Formula One?
He could never finish a race.
Why did Sally stay in school?
Because she has no arms, she can’t open the door, and the teacher left!
What kind of fruit can fix your toilet?
A plum-mer.
What is a snake’s favourite subject?
Hiss-tory!
Why did the banana go to the doctor?
It wasn't peeling well.
Yo mama is so stupid that she called pest control for gym rats.
What’s another name for a woman giving birth?
Unloading the dishwasher.
What are women allergic to and always try to dodge?
Accountability.
Why are there so few Arab soldiers? Because they always commit suicide on their first day.
What is the difference between a prostitute and a wife?
A prostitute will fulfill your needs with your money; a wife will fulfill her needs with your money.
Teacher: "What's your name?"
Student: "Hang on a second."
10 seconds later:
Teacher: "Is something wrong?"
Student: "Hang on a second!"
20 seconds later:
Teacher: "Don't say a word!!!"
Student: "Hang on a second!!!"
Teacher: "Come here and tell me your name right now!!!"
Student: "Hang on a second!"
Teacher: "Don't call for help!!!"
Student: "Just listen to me!"
Teacher: "Go on, speak!"
Student: "Hang on a second!"
Teacher: "Don't push my patience; this is no joke!!! Tell me your name right now!"
Student: "Hang on a second!!!"
Pro marriage tip: Let your wife know you’re all about women’s rights, especially the right to remain silent, because all appliances should be silent.