Worst Jokes Ever
(Teacher): "What's one sport you want to do, but you're not good at?"
(Me): "Suicide."
A man complains to a slave dealer: "The slave you sold me died!"
"By the gods," replies the dealer, "he never did that when I owned him!"
If I cut my wrist, am I a zebra or a tiger?
I told my boyfriend one time when I was drunk that I like being raped. The next day, he comes over and says, "Want to have sex?" I said no. He was arrested two days later.
What's the difference between a lightbulb and a pregnant woman?
You can unscrew a lightbulb.
Why is America so good at Rubik's cubes?
They have a history of sorting colours.
Why can't an orphan ever play baseball?
Because they never found home.
How many Indians does it take to change a lightbulb?
None, they just sit in the dark and wait for the British to come and do it.
A man walks into a bar and places a 12-inch man onto the counter as well as a small piano. The 12-inch man starts playing the piano really well.
The bartender asks the man where he got the 12-inch man. The man says there is a genie two blocks around the corner.
The bartender runs to the genie and makes a wish. The bartender comes back with 1 million ducks. The bartender says to the man, "That genie is dumb! I asked for 1 million bucks."
The man says, "Do you really think I asked for a 12-inch pianist?"
Why do Black people go to church so much?
Because the priest is the only father they know.
What’s the most positive thing in Africa?
Their HIV test.
Why can black people post offensive jokes about making fun of white people, but white people can't post offensive jokes about making fun of black people? Because white people have white privilege. What happened to freedom of speech?
Got my girlfriend a "get better soon" card. She's not sick, I just think she can do better.
Why is it called scissoring and not lip-syncing?
If number 666 is evil, then 25.8069758011 is the root of all evil.
What is the difference between my dad’s generation and my generation of women?
He had Wonder Woman, and I have to wonder if it’s a woman.
What’s the difference between an Indian and an Arab?
One's responsible for 7/11, the other's responsible for 9/11.
Why is a football stadium always so cold?
Answer: Because it has a lot of fans!
What do you call an orphan being kidnapped?
A surprise adoption!!
Kid: "Grandma, what's dark humour?"
Grandma: "See that man in the wheelchair over there?"
Kid: "But Grandma! I'm blind!"
Grandma: "Exactly."