Worst Jokes Ever

I need 56,555 dollars; please send me bank guest.

I don't get why cancer is so hard to beat. My friend's already on stage 4.

Saint Nicholas is the patron saint of working girls. Call girls. Hookers. Prostitutes. And the association is a long one, going back to the very earliest legends which place St. Nick as a Greek bishop in Myra, Lycia in what is now the Turkish Mediterranean - three centuries after Christ.

Saint Nicholas is notable primarily for giving secretly to the poor, and supposedly the first to benefit were three young ladies whose poor father couldn't afford wedding or dowry to marry them off - destining them instead to a life of prostitution. St. Nick supposedly threw a bag of gold through the window to pay for the wedding but, by the third attempt, the poor father was watching to determine the identity of the anonymous benefactor. Santa outsmarted him by dropping the last bag of coins down the chimney.

So, whenever you see Santa, he always travels with his three favourite sex workers - who seemingly never grow old. On a quiet, still Christmas night you can even hear him call them.

Ho! Ho! Ho! And to all a good night.

I donated blood today. In the future, I will try to remember that I'm supposed to donate my blood only.

What's one way to drain someone's ego?

Hand them a mirror, and say they should see how ugly they turned out in life.

"Sir, we noticed a 2-year gap in your resume."

"That was when I went to Yale."

"A Yale man? Well, you're hired!"

"Thanks! I really need this yob!"

Why is there a big old gay parade on one of the first days of summer?

Pride always cometh before the fall.

Ever since convicted New York State felon Donald John Trump has taken office, the Canada-US border has been a mess of tariffs, counter-tariffs and boycotts.

And where does it end? I just got served a salad with 500 Islands in the dressing instead of a thousand. The price was the same.

What's the worst thing to hear in a prison shower?

"Drop the soap, we've got you surrounded."

When you're sad, don't feel down about yourself. Break a leg, and you'll forget all about it.

I don't joke about vegans. That would be tasteless...

I have no beef with them.

I'm the autism.

Kid: "LOOK OUT! A KILLER BEE!!!"

(B)

OKAY.

Why are S and U never thirsty?

They drink tea (T).

I was diagnosed with a terminal disease. The doctor says my days are numbered.

Now I'm terrified of airports.

What's a cancer patient's favorite food?

Kentucky Fried Chemotherapy

What do you get when you combine a penis and a potato?

A dictator.

How do fat people settle arguments?

By bumping into each other to see who falls over first.

What is the best way to deal with bullies?

You shoot them.

Your family is so cheap that they won't even pay for the child support to keep you.