Worst Jokes Ever
What’s the difference between Jesus and a prostitute?
The look they give you while you’re nailing them.
Three nuns die in a car crash, but they all make it to heaven. They're standing at the pearly gates, and Saint Peter says to them, "Don't worry, you're going to get in, but first I need you to answer these questions."
He asks the first nun, "What was the name of the first woman?" The nun says, "Eve." Saint Peter says, "Go on in."
Then he asks the second nun, "Where did Adam and Eve live?" The second one says, "The Garden of Eden." Saint Peter says, "You can go through."
Finally, he gets to the third nun and says, "What was the first thing Eve said to Adam?" The nun stands there a little confused and says, "Boy, that's a hard one." Saint Peter, shocked, goes, "That's correct! Go on in."
What do you call a lesbian pirate?
Red Beard.
What do black lesbians say about pussy?
"Smells like chicken, tastes like chicken."
Why did the emo trade his knife for a chainsaw?
- To win
Why are farts a nice break for emos?
They get to cut cheese.
What’s black and white and red all over?
A Milano’s cherry.
Why can't lesbians wear makeup while on a diet?
Because they can't eat Jenny Craig while Mary Kay is sitting on their face.
A man walks into a restaurant. The waitress hands him a menu and it says: "Hot dog: $2, Hamburger: $5, Blowjob: $10."
He asks the waitress, "Are you the one who gives the hand jobs?"
She says, "Yes, I am."
He tells her, "Good. Can you go wash your goddamn hands? Because I want a hot dog."
What attracted Jeffrey Dahmer to abortion clinics?
- He smelled veal.
What did Jeffrey Dahmer do when done with his black dates?
He dumped them.
Why did Jeffrey Dahmer only date black men?
Nutella!
I am starting a business where I help people count. It is called making the little things count.
I wanted to make a joke about dandruff.
People are still scratching their heads over it.
Fritz Cheng was asked to write three articles on the subject. He went to his grandmother and advised her: "Question: Kill people! I am sorry, Mr. Fritz, I am looking for his brother—what do you suggest?"
Brother: "I'm Superman. I am Superman!"
Fritz remembers entering the room. That's Alfredo's question in front of the TV: "Do you have any advice?"
Fritz tells a story from his school days. "Remember our words?" said Professor Fleck. "An artist? Is that true? Frison, who are you?"
"I am Superman. I'm Superman," he said. "I hope to meet the president."
What is a Jamaican's idea of a balanced diet?
A joint in each hand.
What's the difference between a sidewalk, a drug dealer, and a prostitute?
A: A sidewalk's crack doesn't leave an odor!
Why did the blonde snort artificial sweetener?
She thought it was diet coke.
What does an orphan call a family photo?
A wishlist.
Your mama's so fat, she needed NASA to make her ID card!