Worst Jokes Ever
I was in bio when my teacher asked what would happen if all predators were gone in an ecosystem.
The kid in the back raised his hand and said, "So what IS gonna happen to you?"
How To Kill A Blonde 101:
First Step: Get a pool.
Second Step: Put a scratch-and-sniff at the bottom.
Today I asked my best friend what their favorite joke was. They started waving their hands around, and I thought it was a sign to go, thinking I had offended them or something. Turns out they were mute...
I got mad at my white friend today. I, as a darker person, had told them to meet me outside at 3 o'clock. They, being VERY special that day, had said, "AM or PM?"
Laughing at their question, I said, "Honey, 3 AM, because I'll lose a fight at 3 PM."
A girl kept looking through the window whilst the boys got changed!
I, as a boy, was getting annoyed, so I found an interesting magazine in the corner. So, what did I do? Reload and fire!
Do you know what the secret is to have a smoking hot body?
Cremation.
I don’t think 9/11 jokes are funny... they just crash and burn.
What do you call someone in a wheelchair being pushed by a cannibal?
A to-go order.
Why was the orphan so good at baseball?
Because his coach said, "Go long or go home."
What do you call an annoying emo kid?
A nuisance.
An orphan told me people kept bullying him, so I said, "Tell your parents."
How many brewers does it take to change a light bulb?
About one third less than for a regular bulb.
Why don't black lives matter anymore?
Because a harvester is more efficient at picking crops than slaves.
I don't get why cancer is so hard to beat. My friend's already on stage 4.
Saint Nicholas is the patron saint of working girls. Call girls. Hookers. Prostitutes. And the association is a long one, going back to the very earliest legends which place St. Nick as a Greek bishop in Myra, Lycia in what is now the Turkish Mediterranean - three centuries after Christ.
Saint Nicholas is notable primarily for giving secretly to the poor, and supposedly the first to benefit were three young ladies whose poor father couldn't afford wedding or dowry to marry them off - destining them instead to a life of prostitution. St. Nick supposedly threw a bag of gold through the window to pay for the wedding but, by the third attempt, the poor father was watching to determine the identity of the anonymous benefactor. Santa outsmarted him by dropping the last bag of coins down the chimney.
So, whenever you see Santa, he always travels with his three favourite sex workers - who seemingly never grow old. On a quiet, still Christmas night you can even hear him call them.
Ho! Ho! Ho! And to all a good night.
Why is there a big old gay parade on one of the first days of summer?
Pride always cometh before the fall.
"Sir, we noticed a 2-year gap in your resume."
"That was when I went to Yale."
"A Yale man? Well, you're hired!"
"Thanks! I really need this yob!"
I donated blood today. In the future, I will try to remember that I'm supposed to donate my blood only.
What's one way to drain someone's ego?
Hand them a mirror, and say they should see how ugly they turned out in life.
What's the worst thing to hear in a prison shower?
"Drop the soap, we've got you surrounded."