Worst Jokes Ever
Osama Bin Laden is the best Angry Birds player of all time.
What do you do if your girlfriend starts smoking?
Stop and apply lubrication.
Roses are red, Violets are fine, You can be the six, And I can be the nine.
A boy walks in on his mother riding his father. "What are you doing?" the boy asks his mother. "I'm jumping on daddy to make him thin," said the mother. "Don't bother," said the boy, "when you go shopping, the lady next door comes and blows him up again."
Stop with the blind jokes... I don't see the point.
Why did the blind man fall down the well?
He couldn't see that well.
School and Boot Camp are a lot alike. The only difference is that in school, you don't have to get deployed to get shot at.
You know what me and my spine both have in common? We are both not straight.
Why would a vegetarian never moan during sex?
They don't wanna admit that a piece of meat made them happy.
Why are fish easy to measure?
Because they bring their own scales.
An ugly, arrogant woman walked into a store with her 2 kids, yelling at them.
The store clerk pleasantly said, "Good morning ma'am and welcome. Nice children, are they twins?"
The ugly woman stopped yelling and said, "Hell no they are not, one is 9 and the other is 7. Why the hell would you think they're twins? Are you blind, or just bloody stupid?"
The clerk replied, "I'm neither blind nor stupid ma'am, I just can't believe someone would screw you twice."
Is buttcheeks one word?
Or should I spread them?
Me: spreading positivity.
Everyone else at the HIV testing center.
Q: Why do orphans love boomerangs?
A: Because they actually come back.
What is Jeffrey Dahmer's favorite song?
"Head, Shoulders, Knees and Toes."
Stephen Hawking died because he accidentally lost his bluetooth connection.
What do you call an emo filming their suicide?
America's Funniest Home Videos.
Are you enjoying my yolks? I bet they're making you crack up. If not, I better scramble.
A teenage boy decides to go see a hooker for the first time and asks his experienced uncle for some tips.
"Uncle, what should I do about the hooker name? Should I ask her real name or should I come up with a name for her myself?"
"Kid, I've been fucking hookers for 20 years and I didn't even know they had names."
lowkey "discharge" is an ugly word. I prefer créme de la meow meow.