There was a guy who got his entire left side cut off. Don’t worry, he is all right now.
Why did the picture go to jail? Cause it was framed!
My cow just wandered into a field of marijuana. The steaks have never been so high...
You wanna know why I hate circles so much? They’re just so pointless! But I guess that’s how they roll.
I’d tell a sodium and hydrogen pun, but NaH
My boyfriend just broke up with me for talking about video games too much. What a stupid thing to Fallout 4.
I wanted to make a belt out of watches, then I realized, it was a waist of time!
Two artists had an art contest. -- It ended in a draw.
I couldn’t quite remember how to throw a boomerang, but eventually it came back to me.
I tried to sue the airport for misplacing my luggage. -- I lost my case.
I would tell you a construction pun, but I'm still working on it.
Do you want to hear a money joke? "Never mind, it makes no cents."
I have a fear of speed bumps. But I am slowly getting over it.
Two windmills are standing in a field and one asks the other, "What kind of music do you like?" -- The other says, "I'm a big metal fan."
How does Moses prepare his tea? -- Hebrews it.
I was addicted to the hokey pokey, but thankfully, I turned myself around.
What's the difference between a hippo and a Zippo? -- One is really heavy, and the other is a little lighter.
Why doesn't the Sun go to college? -- Because it has a million degrees.
Will glass coffins be a success? -- Remains to be seen.
Little Johnny was sitting in class one day, and the teacher was talking about life. The teacher asked him, "Little Johnny, how do you want your wife to be like?" Little Johnny answered, "Like the moon." The teacher said, "That's such a beautiful answer because it's calm and peaceful." Little Johnny replied, "No, because it appears at night and disappears in the morning."
