Life is like a penis: women make it hard for no reason.
I was sitting on my own in a restaurant, when I saw a beautiful woman at another table. I sent her a bottle of the most expensive wine on the menu. She sent me a note, “I will not touch a drop of this wine unless you can assure me that you have seven inches in your pocket.” I wrote back, “Give me the wine. As gorgeous as you are, I'm not cutting off three inches for anyone.”
What’s the key to a successful relationship?
Consent.
Maria went home happy, telling her mother about how she earned $20 by climbing a tree. Her mom responded, "Maria, they just wanted to see your panties!" Maria replied, "See Mom, I was smart, I took them off!"
Beer Bottle: “You break me, you get one year of bad luck!”
Mirror: “You kiddin' me? You break me, then y'all get seven years of bad luck!”
Condom: “Hahaha...”
Why is bacon called bacon and cookies called cookies if you cook bacon and bake cookies?
What was Hitler’s favorite fast food restaurant? Kentucky Fried Jews.
Scientists have proven that there are two things in the air that have been known to cause women to get pregnant: their legs.
During a discussion at Sunday school, a nun asks the children what they think God takes you by when you die. A kid responds, "I think God takes you by your feet, because once I walked into my parents room and my mom's feet were in the air and she was screaming, "Oh God, I'm coming!!!"
Politicians and diapers have one thing in common: they should both be changed regularly... and for the same reason. Trump and Biden didn’t get the memo.
I was walking down the street and I punched of a white guy and then I was arrested for assault. The next day after I got out, I punched a black guy and I was arrested for impersonating a police officer.
What do a small pair of underpants and small dance room have in common no ballroom
What do cheap hotels and designer jeans have in common? No ballroom.
My brother is ugly one time he stuck his head out the window, the police arrested for mooning
I was at a train station and a woman ran up to me and asked is this train running on time, I said no it runs on steam and coal
BlessedBrian’s AUTOBIOGRAPHY would be titled “The Adventure of Watching Paint Dry”
I would roast BlessedBrian, but it seems LIFE already did a thorough job
Did you hear Palpatine is sewing Nike Stole his slogan, just do it
How did Aniken get away with cheating?
By choking on his wife
What does Yoda say when he’s at the strip club? Dirty bitch, you are
